Between Ron DeSantis making it official on Friday, to the start of the 2018 Legislative Session tomorrow, we’ve got a virtual smorgasbord of goings-on and happenings to choose from for this week’s mailbag, which is chock-full-o-Real* Emails from Real Readers. If you would like to have your email considered for inclusion in next week’s Mailbag, persons of consequence may apply by sending a real email to [email protected]


“I’m so sick of idiot Republicans pointing to this cold snap as evidence that we global warming alarmists are wrong. It’s like they can’t tell the difference between climate and weather.” –Liberal Nutjob Phil Levine

“What about all that stuff I said about California wildfires and Hurricane Irma being made worse by climate change?” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

“Everyone knows sea levels aren’t rising…Miami is sinking under the weight of Phil Levine’s ego.” –Congressman Matt Gaetz

Please leave Phil Levine alone. He’s the next best thing in the 2018 governor’s race to me.” –John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan

“Speaking of big egos, did anyone outside of Tallahassee see Ron DeSantis’s big announcement for governor?” –Former DeSantis Consultants

Pretty much everyone who watches Fox News saw the announcement. Which is 36% of Florida’s Republican primary voting audience, and 93% of The Villages.” Current DeSantis Consultants

“Wait…can we go back to DeSantis’s ego?  Sure, it’s flimsy. Weak even. But it’s better than any other opposition research I have on him. Obviously.” –Amanda Bevis

“Yeah, take it from me, one of the greateth counter-puncherth in history…calling DeThantis a “D.C. inthider” ith a major tactical error.” –Mike Tyson

From my perspective, both DeSantis and Putnam are D.C. insiders.” –Future Florida Attorney General Richard Corcoran

Speaking of Richard Corcoran…do you suppose Florida trial lawyers gave enough in December to make him a viable gubernatorial candidate?” –Florida Business Community

Not with DeSantis in the race.” –Americans for Prosperity

Let me make some calls. I might know some people who can help fund Corcoran enough to make him a stalking horse for the big ego guy.” –Adam Putnam

Wait…are people suggesting Putnam actually needs Corcoran in the race to split the DeSantis vote?” –Adam “I get my news from Matt Dixon” Smith

“Speaking of Adam Smith, can you believe he didn’t name Richard Corcoran ‘Loser of the Week’ with DeSantis getting into the race?” Rick Scott

“I know, right? I totally lucked out this week. Rick Scott said he opposes Trump drilling for oil off Florida’s coast, and he still wins biggest loser for it. Some people might say the Tampa Bay Times is a complete liberal rag, but I’m not complaining.” –Bill Nelson

“With all this talk about the governor’s race, it’s almost like nobody even cares about the 2018 Legislative Session starting on Tuesday. I know I don’t.” Joe Negron

Me either.” –Jack Latvala

Ditto.” –Frank Artiles

“Couldn’t care less.” –Jeff Clemens

“I’m kinda looking forward to it myself, since I have more credibility and gravitas than the Senate President himself.” –State Senator Lauren Book

“Ditto.” –State Senator Lizbeth Benaquisto

“Same.” –Rachel Perrin Rogers

“Just wait until you see what I have in store for the 2019 Session.” –Bill Galvano


*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even dumb climate change alarmists who don’t realize that Miami is literally sinking can still tell the difference between climate change denial and jaw-jarring satire.

To be considered as a subject of mockery, or to mock others, persons of consequence may apply by sending an email to [email protected]