Real* Emails from Real* Readers

“I usually mock Adam Smith’s choice for Winner and Loser of the Week in Florida Politics. But since he named my bestest buddy, Anthony Pedicini, as this week’s big winner, I have no reason to complain.” –Peter Schorsch

“Oh, I can think of at least one.” –Pepi Diaz

“To be fair, I only charged $80,000 for trashing Annette Taddeo.” –Anthony Pedicini

“And apparently pocketed most of it.” –Tallahassee Political Consultants

“I just can’t believe Adam Smith didn’t at least mention my big upset when he was painting Pedicini to be such a big winner.” –Annette Taddeo

“By now I thought everyone knew I just pull the winners and losers out of my butt during happy hour on Friday afternoons. I don’t actually give the column any serious thought.” –Adam Smith

“I’m not even mad that he named me Loser of the Week. Life’s too short to get upset. I mean, I’m 65 years old, so I’ll be dead soon anyway.” –Dennis Baxley

“Speaking of people who nearly died because of hurricanes…thank goodness Puerto Rico was wiped off the map. Now with all those refugees I might actually have a chance against Rick Scott in 2018.” –Bill Nelson

“Once we’re in Florida’s public school system, it’s virtually guaranteed that liberal indoctrination will turn us into loyal Democrats.” –Puerto Rican Students

“Speaking of the big 2018 Senate race, has anyone noticed how I’m subtly undermining Rick Scott’s senate campaign by making nice with Bill Nelson at every turn?”  –Marco Rubio

“I’m sure when the time comes you’ll pull the rug out from under Billy-boy. After all, don’t you want to be the senior senator from Florida?”  –Rick Scott

“Even if Rick Scott wins his Senate race in 2018, he’ll never be as good as Jeb Bush!” –80% of Tallahassee Insiders (who owe their livelihoods to Jeb)

“Not all of us insiders are beholden to Jeb. But since Jeb’s political career is on life support, he represents less of a threat than Rick Scott.” –The Other 20%

“I hate to change the subject, but did everyone see my big endorsement this weekend?” –Jack Latvala

“Why would the FOP endorse a candidate this early in the primary, before all the candidates have entered the race?” –Ron DeSantis

“Makes absolutely no sense to me.” –Adam Putnam

“Follow the money. Everything always makes sense when you look at it from that angle.” –Richard Corcoran

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that Jebbies and Tampa Bay Times Readers can tell the difference between satire and salty truth.