Real* Emails from Real Readers:

“Let’s be honest, when someone calls Gwen Graham a skank, they mean politically, not the other meaning. She’s far too dull for that.” –Andrew Gillum

“I may be dull, but at least I’m not robotic like Rick Scott.” —Gwen Graham

“I may be a political machine, but at least I’m not a serial flatulator like Bill Nelson.” –Rick Scott

“I may be so old that I fart dust, but at least I’m campaigning in Florida, unlike that carpetbagger from Washington D.C., Ron DeSantis.” —Bill Nelson

“I may be a creature of the swamp, but at least I’ve got the guts to run for governor, unlike that coward Richard Corcoran.” —Ron DeSantis

“I may have chickened out of the governor’s race, but at least I know when I’ve got no path to victory, unlike the clueless Chris King.” –Richard Corcoran

“So okay, I’m a bit of a dreamer. At least I’m not buying my way to the governor’s mansion, like that money whore Phil Levine.” –Chris King

“I might be raising a lot of money outside the state, but at least I’m not afraid of my liberal roots, like Clinton family friend Ashley Moody.” –Phil Levine

“Just because I’ve partied with the Clinton Crime Family doesn’t mean I’m not conservative. At least I’m not a poser like Jay Fant, pretending to be Donald Trump.” –Ashley Moody

“There’s nothing wrong with aping Donald Trump for political reasons. At least I’m not sucking up to the Everglades Foundation, like that pansy Joe Negron.” —Jay Fant

“My law practice needs clients, there’s no shame in that. But I’d never mooch off my wife’s family to run for political office, like Frank White.” –Joe Negron

“Hey, what can I say? I’m putting my wife’s money where my mouth is, while others rely on Tallahassee insiders for cash, like that beggar Adam Putnam.” —Frank White

“It’s true, I’ve grown pretty cozy with some strange political bedfellows. But at least I’m not a political skank like Gwen Graham.” –Adam Putnam

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even sensitive political types like Gwen Graham won’t get upset because all the name calling is pure satire, not actual insults worth mobilizing an army of social justice warriors using fake outrage to score cheap political points.