While Hollywood was busy lecturing us about gun control and sexual harassment in America, real readers sent in real* emails to lecture us about gun control and sexual harassment in Florida.


“Don’t worry if you missed last night’s Oscar awards, because our press releases contain virtually the same content and messaging as the stuff coming from Hollywood.” –Florida Democratic Party

“I didn’t watch the Oscars, but I’m happy that Hollywood’s elites were able to lecture us about gun control from inside their security bubble.” –Marion Hammer

Please spare us your silly satire and memes about us Hollywood elites being two faced.” –Julianne Moore

It’s a bit disingenuous to compare Julianne Moore’s gun-weilding on screen performances with real gun violence. Her role as a gun-toting heroine is an expression of her first amendment right to free speech.” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

 “So, first amendment…good.  Second amendment, not so much? Yeah, that makes perfect sense.” –Adam Putnam

“I didn’t watch the Oscars, but it’s so refreshing to see Hollywood cleaning up its act when it comes to sexual advances without consent.” –Jack Latvala

“And yet the Oscar for best adapted screenplay went to a movie about an adult man starting a sexual relationship with a 17 year old boy.” John Stemberger

“What’s wrong with consensual sex between a man and a boy?” –NAMBLA (yes, we’re still here, lurking in the shadows, whispering in the ears of Hollywood elites)

I can’t speak for Italy, where the film takes place, but here in Florida, minors can’t technically give consent.” –Pam Bondi

While we’re on the topic of consent, did everyone see that I won an Oscar tonight too?” Kobe Bryant

Thankfully, with all the hysteria surrounding the Oscars, few people noticed how I really screwed up the Winner and Loser of the Week column.” Adam Smith

Why would anyone ever notice that you screwed it up any worse than usual? Winner and Loser of the Week is always a dumpster fire.” –Peter Schorsch

“But this week I really screwed it up. First I named ‘puppy mills’ the big winner, blaming Paul Renner for allowing irresponsible pet stores to survive. Then when it turns out that Paul Renner did exactly the opposite as what I said, I named ‘puppies’ the big winner but still screwed over Paul Renner by editorializing about his motivations..” –Adam Smith

Original Winner of the Week, blaming Paul Renner

Revised Winner, still blaming Paul Renner

“Can we PolitiFact our own newspaper?” Politifact Florida

“We wish you would.” –Responsible Pet Store Owners


*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Florida Democrats can tell the difference between satire and blatant hypocrisy.

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