Real* emails from real readers…

“Hey Brian, as a professional courtesy, just wanted to let you know that if when Gillum wins, I’m planning to start my own news website to rival The Capitolist.” –Kevin Cate

“Even in a state-run economy Democrat utopia, I am confident I’ll find a way to thrive. I have a contingency plan.” –Brian Burgess

“Speaking of socialism, I can’t wait to campaign with Andrew Gillum, the next governor of Florida, later this month. He’s ahead in the polls and the mainstream media loves him, which means he can’t possibly lose!” —Two-time failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton

“Who couldn’t love Andrew Gillum? Fun fact: I was sworn into Congress my first time about seven months before Andrew Gillum was born! Wow, time flies when you don’t have a lot to do.” —Bill “The Space Junketeer” Nelson

“Speaking of loving Andrew Gillum…” –Jacob Engels

“Please refrain from publishing uncorroborated rumors and hearsay, especially if it involves my relationship with Andrew Gillum, and particularly if it involves an imminent FBI indictment.” —Adam Corey

“Please tell Ron DeSantis if he wants to become governor, he needs to start sharing his vision for Florida with the voters, like I did with my famous 7-7-7 Plan.” –-Rick Scott

“Get ready folks, because the Ron DeSantis 8-8-8 Plan is about to be unleashed.” –Brad Herold

“I wasn’t informed of this plan.” –Suzy Wiles

“So what’s all this about a 8-8-8 Plan?” –Gary “I can’t roll my eyes any further into my head this election cycle” Fineout

“It’s not the eight-eight-eight plan. It’s the ‘ate-ate-ate’ plan. As in, if you vote for Andrew Gillum, I hope you already ate-ate-ate, because in Venezuela there isn’t any food food food.” –Ron DeSantis

“That just wasn’t all that funny because Andrew Gillum isn’t a true socialist. He’s a democratic socialist.” –Clueless Democrats and Most of the Florida Media

“I don’t want food. I just want media coverage.” –Florida Democrat Serial Email Spammer Kevin Donahoe

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even our future socialist overlords comrades can tell the difference between a harmless attempt at satire featuring our brave future Democratic Socialist leaders and a subversive, slanderous act attempting to ridicule the policies of our brothers in Venezuela.

–