“Once upon a time I thought about running for gov, but I’m not even sure when I’ll start. Gotta do something soon, or get eclipsed in AFP’s heart.” –Ron DeSantis

Was that supposed to be sung in Pat Benetar’s voice? Because that’s the only way it makes any sense.” –Adam Smith

I think he meant Bonnie Tyler. No surprise Adam Smith got that wrong, though, I’ve come to expect it given his awful track record with Winner and Loser of the Week.” –Peter Schorsch 

Before we change the subject, I’d like to point out that even at maximum fundraising velocity, the pathway for Ron DeSantis to raise the money necessary to win a gubernatorial primary will be about as narrow as the sliver of visible sun at 2:42pm today.” –Richard Corcoran

“Talk about getting eclipsed. A lot of people recently lost committee chairmanships, but I got hit the hardest, all because I’m running for the job Richard Corcoran is eventually going to settle for.” –GOP Attorney General candidate Jay Fant

Speaking of getting eclipsed, can you believe Adam Putnam is so afraid of my candidacy that he’s already got surrogate groups attacking me?” –Jack Latvala

“Anyone want to take a guess as to how many total solar eclipses have occured over the course of my 40+ year run as a career politician?” –Bill Nelson

Tomorrow’s big event will be number thirty, believe it or not. And hopefully, it’ll be your last, if I have anything to say about it.” –Rick Scott

While we’re on the topic of Rick Scott and political eclipses, now seems like as good a time as any to mention my run for CFO, even though Scott passed me over for Jimmy Patronis.” –Tom Lee

“As a public service, we remind you to beware of goverrnment employees leaving their offices and racing home today at 2pm. The eclipse is likely to cause them to believe they missed their usual 3:57pm departure time and they are late for dinner.” –The Capitolist


All real emails and real tweets are highlighted in bright yellow, to distinguish them from the dark, shadowy, fake emails and fake tweets sent in by sinister people with sinister agendas, although anyone who isn’t a complete imbecile should be able to tell the difference without the highlights.