You were just treated to the greatest Superbowl game in history. Now it’s my job to follow up with the greatest Monday Mailbag you’ve ever read. As always, the content of the Mailbag is not real news, nor is it fake news. It’s just satire. Don’t use this content in campaign ads, because even though it might be true, there’s a high probability I’ve embellished a few of the facts.
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“If the legislative session were like a football game, the Florida House has opened up a big early lead on Rick Scott, which is why I named him Loser of the Week.” –Adam Smith
“Oh, Adam, if you think the Patriot’s comeback was really special, wait until you see my legislative comeback, when I veto the daylights out of every boneheaded bill originating in the Florida House.” –-Rick Scott
“Speaking of comebacks, last night’s Superbowl come-from-behind win was foreshadowed by last year’s Presidential Election. Note the red MAGA hat in my locker.” –Tom Brady
“Speaking of comebacks, did you see some of the idiots out there saying I jinxed the Patriots and writing full blown fake news stories about it? Sad!” —Donald Trump
“After my epic meltdown in the 4th quarter, I deserve the kind of mockery currently making its way around the internet. But the pic below? That’s harsh, man.” –Falcon’s QB Matt Ryan
“Speaking of comebacks, if Rick Scott does veto our bills, I just need a few of my Democrat friends to agree to an override.” –Richard Corcoran
“Oh, so we’re buddies now?” –Janet Cruz
“Ah, sorry, no. Wasn’t talking about you. There’s plenty of others in your caucus willing to play ball. Trust me.” –Richard Corcoran
“Don’t forget, the Senate has to override too.” –Joe “The Triangulator” Negron
“Speaking of triangulation, did anyone notice that veiled threat from Negron about the Triumph Gulf Coast money not being impacted by his water bill?” –Steve Southerland
“Of course nobody read it, because it was behind a paywall in Politico Pro.” –Matt Dixon
“I didn’t read it. But one of my Triumph Gulf Coast select committee minions, er…members, told me all about it.” –Richard Corcoran”
“Speaking of veiled threats and shrill tones, I think it’s time we all started remembering that we’re on the same team.” –Dana Young
“Speaking of shrill tones, it’s time to cancel our summer vacation plans, since we’re obviously going to be in special session anyway.” –Tallahassee Lobbyists
“Things are getting so nasty in Tallahassee, I’ve decided to open up a shop in Washington D.C. where things are more civil.” –Brian Ballard
“Speaking of Washington D.C., do I have any missed calls from anyone up there? I’m still expecting one any day now.” –Pam Bondi
“I don’t mean to change the subject, but did anyone catch my speech at the Tallahassee Tiger Bay Club?” –John “One Term” Morgan
“I don’t mean to contradict John, but when he said he’d only give you one term as governor, he meant ‘pro bono.’ During his second term, he’s going to bill at his usual rate.” –Ben Pollard
“Yes, that’s exactly what I meant.” –John “Gov Pro Bono” Morgan
“Speaking of stump speeches last week, did anyone catch mine at the AP Annual Meeting?” –Adam Putnam
“No, but don’t worry, my tracker caught the whole thing.” –Richard Corcoran
“Mine too.” –Jack Latvala
“Mine too.” –Gwen Graham
“What’s a tracker? Should I hire one?” –Rod D. Martin