Another week, another round of tantalizing tidbits, gauche gossip and raunchy rumors sent by real* readers, tweeted by real* tweeple, hacked from real* Facebook accounts, or even real* text messages intercepted from the mobile phones of Tallahassee’s top officials trying to skirt Florida’s draconian sunshine laws – and FBI surveillance.
“Speaking of hacks, there’s still no evidence we hacked the DNC, despite that slip-up by Nancy Smith over at Sunshine State News.” –Russian hackers
“I may still be in some trouble over that hacking scandal involving my IT staffer, but at least I’m not in trouble for rigging the 2016 primary for Hillary.” –Debbie Wasserman Schultz
“Any chance your ex-IT staffer could hack the FBI and erase the evidence against me?” –Tallahassee mayor Andrew Gillum
“Oh, hey, Mayor…heads up. I’m pretty sure my cell phone was hacked.” –Adam Corey
“I may have to claim that my Facebook was hacked if the FBI never gets around to indicting someone.” –Erwin Jackson [Image removed by request–Editor]
“Even if the FBI doesn’t indict anyone, I’ll still probably name Erwin Jackon the next Winner of the Week for that post about mini-school girl strippers.” –Adam Smith
“Speaking of winner of the week, can you believe I’m not even gonna quit my job in the Legislature while also being a US Ambassador to the United Nations?” –Carlos Trujillo
“If Carlos Tujillo landed a UN ambassadorship, I wonder what President Trump is going to offer me?” –Joe Gruters
“Speaking of jobs with the Trump Administration, I wonder if enough time has elapsed for him to safely name me to an administration job?” –Pam Bondi
“So POTUS thinks I’m sexy? And smart? And likeable? Bwhahahahaha.” –Jack Latvala
*All real emails, intercepted text messages, Facebook posts, Tweets and Venn diagrams are highlighted in bright yellow, so that lawyers suing Erwin Jackson for defamation can quickly determine if they have a case or not, once this FBI thing finally wraps up. [Image removed by request-Editor]