Real* emails from real readers…including some who think USF should change its mascot from the “Bulls” to the “Bears.”
“Even though Florida is filled with gun-loving right wingers, the best person we could find to represent those views at our big world affairs conference was a Russian spy.” –University of South Florida
“In USF’s defense, most of the rest of us co-panelists were all bona fide leftists anyway, so we really didn’t think any self-respecting conservatives would bother to show up.” –Liberal Filmmaker Meg Moritz
“To be honest, the only choices were Marion Hammer or this hot little Russian babe. And why bother vetting her when she was so…’coquettish?'” —Honeypot Victim and USF Professor Raymond Arsenault
“A convention on guns and mental health, packed with liberals and Russian spies? It’s a perfect fit for our brand. Sure, we’ll sponsor it.” –Tampa Bay Times
“To be honest, Russia is democracy now. Vladimir Putin admits communism was mistake. So hammer and sickle on USF sign…maybe too much, no?” –USF Panelist and Russian Spy Maria Butina
“Based on that flimsy evidence, it’s enough to open a FISA warrant against Adam Smith and the Tampa Bay Times.” –Florida-based Red-Pill Dispenser Dan Bongino
“Speaking of flimsy FBI evidence, has anyone seen evidence suggesting I’m guilty of anything?” –Andrew Gillum
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen Ron DeSantis’s election platform?” –Amanda Bevis
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen Bob Graham’s daughter’s resume?” –Phil Levine
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen Phil Levine’s bank account?” –Jeff Greene
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen Jeff Greene’s morals?” –Bob Graham’s Daughter
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen the lame excuse not to include me in the next Democratic debate?” –Chris King
“Speaking of flimsy, has anyone seen that lame ethics complaint filed by a serial complaint filer accusing me of using cash I’m supposedly not allowed to use?” –Frank White
“But flimsy is my business model…” —Biennial Campaign Stooge and Ethics Complaint Filer Raymond Mazzie
“We saw the complaint months ago, when Ashley Moody was shopping it to actual lawyers and real reporters, and chose not to cover it then either.” –Florida Capital Press Corps
“Speaking of flimsy, did you see Adam Smith’s latest Winner of the Week column? Flimsy logic, and no links to any of the background stories.” –Peter Schorsch
“Speaking of flimsy logic, the Tallahassee “political establishment” still thinks their preferred candidates have the inside track, but it’s gonna be another humiliating election cycle when the voters prove them all wrong again.” –MAGA-Hat-Wearing Florida Voters
“For the record, I would never, ever send an email to Adam Smith calling Marco Rubio a chihuahua. Even if he promised anonymity.” –Mac Stipanovich
“I would. But I didn’t this time.” –Steve Schale
“Anybody ready for some of my famous guac? It’s starting to feel like 2016 all over again.” –Jeb!
“I’d eat Jeb’s guac, but I’ve already got a flatulence problem. And besides, I’m too busy here on the beach waiting for that blue wave to materialize.” –Bill “Spaceman” Nelson
“Blue wave? Where? Where? Help us see it!” –Democratic Pollsters
*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even liberals at USF and the Tampa Bay Times can tell the difference between a Russian honeypot operation and an authentic opinion expressed in a real email from posturing politicians looking to influence an election.