On Saturday, every news outlet in Florida was tripping over each other to report about the Florida Democratic Party “lovefest” – that same word used in at least three different headlines (four, if you count both the Herald AND the Times content sharing arrangement).
But by Sunday, the lovefest had morphed into racism and discord, all thanks to party chairman Stephen Bittel’s poor choice of words: “‘They’re like children, these black lawmakers. They just don’t get it,” he allegedly said.
And while nobody has called for Bittel’s resignation publicly, plenty of Real* Readers have sent in Real* Emails sharing their thoughts on this week’s biggest controversies. So put on a neckbrace and get ready for a case of hypocritical whiplash from Florida Democrats.
“Stephen Bittel shouldn’t have to resign in disgrace like Frank Artiles, because Artiles used a racial slur, and all Bittel said about black people is that we’re just a bunch of crybabies. Which is absolutely true, as you can tell from my remarks in the Miami Herald.” –Oscar Braynan
“Well, just because his remarks are true doesn’t mean we shouldn’t leverage his racism to gain political power within the Florida Democratic Party.” —Shevrin Jones
“I agree that even childish black lawmakers should have a seat at the table, which is why I betrayed Bittel’s confidence in me and passed along his private, racist remarks to Oscar Braynan.” –Lauren Book
“I have to admit Bittel’s comments were racist, but at least he apologized. And that’s all we Democrats ever ask of anyone.” –Kionne McGhee
“Actually, we don’t accept all apologies because some apologies are sincere, while Frank Artiles’ apology was sincere and Republican.” –Audrey Gibson
“Can you please not remind your readers about my statement calling for Frank Artiles’ resignation? You know, the one where I also blasted Republicans for not holding him accountable for his comments?” –Stephen Bittel
“I hate to change the subject, but I’d just like to know how Ron DeSantis can raise half a million dollars from a single donor when he’s still a sitting congressman. I’m not lawyer, but I think that’s illegal. Oh wait…yes, I am a lawyer.” –Richard Corcoran
“Technically, for the contribution to be illegal, you have to prove that I actually asked the donor for the contribution. It’s totally plausible that someone stroked a half million dollar check on good faith alone and didn’t communicate with me at all. Makes perfect sense.” –Ron DeSantis
“Ron DeSantis is my muse. I love stroking massive checks with his name on them, even though he’s never asked me for anything.” –Frederick Sontag
“I don’t think you guys have anything to worry about, because Richard Corcoran never really enforces the rules anyway, trust me.” –Jamie Grant
“I also hate to change the subject, but I’m just wondering how The Capitolist predicted so accurately that I am going to be named CFO very soon. Do tell.” –Jimmy Patronis
“Hinting about Patronis being the top candidate every week in a satire column is not the same as actually breaking the news.” –Peter Schorsch
“To be fair, he pretty much called it every single week for the past month.” —Joe Gruters
*All real emails from real readers are circled in bold black ink so that even childish lawmakers can tell the difference between actual racist remarks, political rumors, and stuff you can take straight to the bank.