Marsy Post Leader

Even with hundreds of thousands of Floridians still without power, there was no shortage of nasty emails and leaks sent to The Capitolist. Here are this week’s Real* Emails from Real* Readers and Real* Tweets from Real* Tweople:


It’s tragic that eight people had to die just so I can turn their deaths into a political issue, because I could have made do with just three or four dead people.” –Bill Nelson

Memo to all Democrats: don’t allow this political opportunity…er…tragedy to go to waste. The message is simple: all Florida Republicans are to blame for the nursing home’s failure to move their patients out of a sweltering sweatbox.” –Florida Democratic Party

“If only some old folks would die in a nursing home in Tallahassee. Then I could also point my finger of blame at Andrew Gillum.” –Gwen Graham

“If we’re wishing calamities to befall Tallahassee, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Hurricane Maria becomes a Cat 5 storm and slams into the federal courthouse here in town.” –Andrew Gillum

Don’t get your hopes up, Mayor. I have offsite backups of all our photos together, not just our fling in New York City.” –Undercover FBI Agent “Mike Miller”

“Speaking of finger-pointing, we’ve found it’s cheaper to hire a high-powered PR firm to point fingers than it is to actually move patients out of sweltering sweatboxes.” –Hollywood Hills Rehab Center

It’s not going to be as cheap as you thought.” –John Morgan, of Morgan and Morgan

I wonder if the Broward County Sheriff used county-owned generators on his personal property, instead of using it to help Hollywood Hills power their air conditioning units.” –Disgraced Generator User and Former Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood

Please tell disgraced generator user Mike Wood that as a reader of The Capitolist, I would never use taxpayer-owned equipment on my personal property.” –Broward County Sheriff Scott Israel

Did anyone notice how there were county-owned generators pre-deployed at major intersections ahead of Hurricane Irma this time around?” –Leon County Sheriff Walt McNeil

“Is now a good time to talk about insurance fraud and problems with Florida’s current assignment of benefits laws?” –Jimmy Patronis


*All real emails and real tweets are highlighted in bright yellow so that people prone to pointing their pointers will know exactly who to file a lawsuit against. All other items in the mailbag are purely works of satire.