Real* emails from real readers…

“Like Denise Grimsely, I may have lost the primary for Ag Commish, but at least I’m not a sellout.” –Baxter Troutman

“I may be a sellout, but I’m not really trying to help Nikki Fried. I’m only selling out to cash in on medical marijuana.” –Denise Grimsely

“Please tell all your Republican readers not to worry about Denise. She’s not really ‘selling out’ as much as she’s just being used so I can claim to be bipartisan.” –Nikki Fried

“I don’t get it. What’s the big deal about Denise Grimsely selling out?” –Charlie Crist

“I’ll explain it later, Chuck. Maybe when I’m not busy explaining things to the new guy. Hopefully he won’t sell out like you did.” –Shane Strum

“Speaking of explaining things to the new guy…will someone please educate the new junior senator from Florida about our archaic seniority rules?” –Mitch McConnell

“I gotchu, Mitch. Ahem…hey, Rick…” –Marco Rubio

“Eh…now that I fired Brenda Snipes and the Florida Supreme Court said I didn’t get to pick the new justices myself, there’s not much left for me to do here anyway.” –Rick Scott

“Rick Scott can’t fire me… because I quit!  But…  since he fired me, I unquit!” –Brenda Snipes

“I can’t think of a more Brenda Snipes thing to do than unquit after being fired.” –Matt Caldwell

“It’s so unfair to get fired and lose such a massive pension just because of poor job performance. Then again, I lost my pension because I stole twenty bucks. She got fired for stealing an election.” –Dirty Cop Richard Arroyo

“Please tell Brenda Snipes not to worry. Many Democrats who get fired and lose our pensions just get hired by other Democrats who feel sorry for us.” –Disgraced Democrat FBI Agent Andrew McCabe

“Or we just make a small fortune on GoFundMe.” –Disgraced Democrat FBI Agent Peter Strzok

“Can I create a GoFundMe account?  I technically didn’t get hired, so it’s like getting fired.” –Adam Putnam

“I have a similar question.” –Andrew Gillum

“Please ban Andrew Gillum from GoFundMe since he only needs to call George Soros to give him another fake PR job.” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that sellouts like Denise Grimsely and Charlie Crist can tell the difference between fake posturing and honest-to-goodness truth. Persons of consquence who would like to be considered as a subject of Monday Mailbag may apply by sending an email to The Capitolist.