Real* emails from real readers…


“Literally the worst edition of Winner / Loser of the Week in, like, ever.” –Peter Schorsch

“At least we didn’t bury it behind a paywal like the rest of our crappy coverage.” –Mike VanSickler

“Not even a well-funded #LoveMyNewspaper campaign will be able to resurrect the Tampa Bay Times now that it’s behind a paywall.” –Kevin Cate

“With the Times behind a paywall, there’s only one thing between us and total domination of the liberal media: Mary Ellen Klas admitting she’s not returning to the Miami Herald.” –Florida Phoenix’s Julie Hauserman

“Hmmpf. The Florida Phoenix couldn’t possibly afford me anyway. I’m a Harvard Fellow now.” –Mary Ellen Klas

“With Bousquet out and Mary Ellen on her fake sabbatical, we’re all really gonna miss their annual ‘Eyewitless News’ bit during the 2019 Press Skits next week.” –Tallahassee Insiders

“It’s getting deep in here. Better put some boots on.” –Mister Mary Ellen Klas, a.k.a. “John Kennedy”

“You mean like the boots Jose Javier Rodriguez wears to remind people of his environmental policies?” –The Herald-Tribune’s Zac Anderson

“Smelling bad and looking like an idiot is a great way to remind people about my idiotic environmental ideas.” –Rep. Jose Javier “Stinkfoot” Rodriguez

“Stinkfoot Rodriguez does not have a monopoly on idiotic ideas. We want to give $524 million in tax rebates to reimburse poor people because they have to pay sales tax as if they are rich people.” –Florida Democrats

“I hate to change the subject, but did anyone see my awesome article in Sunday’s Tallahassee Democrat about HD7 candidate Mike Watkin’s ‘financial improprieties?” –Jeffrey Schweers

“I saw it because it’s not behind a paywall.” –HD7 candidate Jason Shoaf

 

“I’m sure campaign fights in House District 7 are exciting to some, but did anyone notice that slight uptick in the unemployment rate in Florida at the exact moment I left office as Governor? Because I sure noticed it.” –U.S. Senator Rick Scott

“Yeah, yeah, okay, Senator. Before you get too cocky, just note that those tickmarks on the graph are in six-month increments.” –Ron DeSantis


*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even guys like Rep. “Stinkfoot” Rodriguez can tell the difference between stinky satire and an organized campaign by his house colleagues to politely tell him that his feet stink and he’s gotten so used to it may not even be aware of the issue: