Monday Mailbag: “For the Greater Good” Edition

by | Sep 12, 2016

“This week in 1928, the Okeechobee Hurricane made landfall in West Palm Beach, having already killed thousands in the Caribbean islands of Puerto Rico, and Guadalupe. More than 2,500 Floridians living around Lake Okeechobee and Belle Glade drowned from storm surge.” –Hudson the Historian

“That’s another great example of a situation where five extra generators would have made absolutely no difference for those poor people.”  –Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood

Please don’t tell my old colleagues at the Tallahassee Democrat I told you this, but there were 230 traffic intersections without power in Leon County after the storm, but Florida’s Department of Transportation had only 170 generators to power them.” –Naples Daily News Reporter Arek Sarkissian

“That’s another great example of a situation where five extra generators would have made absolutely no difference for Tallahassee drivers.” –Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood

Please don’t ask to see whose name is on the Capital/Asset Property Transfer Form signing out those generators, because filling out paperwork is not only incriminating, it requires real work.” –Leon County Sheriff Chief Administrative Officer Gene Griffin

“It’s a been a while, but maybe it’s time we perused Leon County Sheriff’s Office General Order 46.1, Section F, paragraph 5(a), which explicitly mentions the importance and availability of specialized equipment such as portable generators in the event of a natural disaster.” –Leon County Commissioners

“Just so you know, those general orders were signed by the late Sheriff Larry Campbell, not me.” –Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood

“Please stop flogging Mike Wood over something his command staff did.” –Mike Wood’s Campaign Manager

“Are you sure it was just his command staff?” –Real Democrat Sheriff Candidate Walt McNeil

“When are you going to stop flogging my fellow Democrat Mike Wood and start covering the scuttlebutt swirling about the awkward relationship between Marco Rubio and Club for Growth?” –Patrick Murphy

“Please spend all the time you want on this Mike Wood generator scandal so that you don’t have time to point out our hypocrisy when it comes to the Cape Sable Sea Sparrow.” –Audubon Florida’s Executive Director Eric “For the Greater Good” Draper

The Cape Sable Sea Sparrow is another example of an endangered species that would not benefit in any way from the availability of five portable power generators.” –Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood

“Did you notice that after you mocked him for last week’s ridiculous choice of Carlos Beruff as “winner” of the week, Adam Smith actually did a decent job picking this week’s winner and loser?” —Sarah  Bascom

Correlation does not equal causation, but in this case, the evidence is pretty strong in your favor.” –U of F Political Scientist Susan McManus 

“You happy now?” —Adam Smith, after finally picking a real winner and loser of the week.

“I’m not.” –Adam Smith’s “Loser of the Week,” Pam Bondi

“Couldn’t be happier.” –Winner of the Week, David “Zika Terrorist” Jolly 

David Jolly brings a jar of Zika-carrying mosquitoes onto the floor of the United States Congress and he gets winner of the week, but I take a few “ladies” to the Bahamas and everybody loses their minds.” –-Charlie Crist

“Please don’t dredge up that old Delmar Johnson rumor if you’re going to mock Charlie Crist in the Monday Mailbag.” –Tallahassee Lobbyists

“Speaking of political chameleon Charlie Crist, did you know on this date in 1919, Adolf Hitler joined the German Worker’s Party as it’s 7th member, even though he didn’t believe in worker’s rights, and later dissolved labor unions when he became Chancellor of Germany?” –Hudson the Historian

“Please refrain from comparing Charlie Crist with Adolf Hitler, even if you are merely drawing attention to Hitler’s amazing duplicity or some other interesting facet of his political career other than anti-Semitism, genocide and war-mongering, because political hyperbole has no place in responsible social discourse.” –Dan “F-Bomb” Bongino

Please refrain from mentioning how un-presidential Hillary Clinton’s looked yesterday, when she had to be dragged into her vanbulance by Secret Service agents.” –Democrat Uber-Strategist Steve Schale 

“I’m fine. Really. *cough* See? I’m up and *cough* walking around just to prove that *cough* I’m not dead yet.” –Hillary “Clinton

“Hillary’s fainting episode could not have been prevented even if her Secret Service escort had access to five addition power generators.” –Leon County Sheriff Mike Wood





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