Monday Mailbag: All I want for Christmas Edition

by | Dec 18, 2017

It’s the last Monday Mailbag before Christmas. Let’s see what Real* Emails have been gifted to us from Real* Readers:

“With Christmas only a week away, please let Adam Smith know he’s on my naughty list for naming me loser of the week.” –Brett Doster

Will someone explain to me how Rick Scott is this week’s winner of the week…for not getting involved in the Alabama race?  That was quite a gift from Adam Smith.” –Bill Nelson

“Speaking of Christmas presents, we can’t wait to see what the special master has gift-wrapped for us.” –Florida Capital Press Corps

Speaking of gift-wraping, did you see that op-ed I wrote for Jack Latvala where I ignored how he smeared a witness and scared off the other accusers? –Rosemary O’Hara

The greatest gift I could get this Christmas is Jack Latvala’s resignation. Absent that, I’m hoping the Special Master stuffs my stocking with a scathing report.” –Joe Negron

Speaking of stockings, we’d be thrilled if Senator Latvala would just stop commenting on ours.” –Senate Interns

The greatest gift I could get this Christmas is the Senate being forced into a public vote on the question of my guilt. I’ll be taking names.” –Jack Latvala

“As the only Jewish Republican in the Florida House, I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.” –Randy Fine**

“For many state workers, Christmas is sort of like Hanukkah, it marks the start of an eight day celebration between December 26th and the January 2nd, where they watch Netflix and surf the internet on state computers while their bosses are on vacation.” –Tallahassee Rabbi Jack Romberg

“I’d celebrate by going on another Disney cruise, but I’m so wrapped up trying to save Jack Latvala that I can’t leave town.” –Peter Schorsch

“Speaking of Disney, maybe after I leave the Speaker’s office, I’m hoping I can get a job in their graphic design department? Feel free to use my cruise ship rendering as the Mailbag’s lead graphic ” –Fred Piccolo

“For Christmas, I was going to get Fred a genuine, licensed copy of Photoshop to replace his MS Paint software but I really need him focused on bashing the Senate.” –Richard Corcoran

“Speaking of Christmas presents and Richard Corcoran, I gave him something really special this year.” –Adam Smith

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even state workers on Santa’s naughty list can tell the difference between satire and real permission to goof off on taxpayer funded time using state computers to surf websites like The Capitolist.

**After consulting with some Jewish friends who suggested the original entry from Rep. Randy Fine might have been in poor taste, I called Rep. Fine who actually did wish his colleagues a Merry Christmas. I appreciate his additional guidance and have edited that entry in today’s Mailbag to avoid any further controversy. And I humbly apologize to anyone who may have been offended by what my friends suggest was an insensitive attempt at humor.

Thanks to all for the friendly manner in which you made me aware of my error.

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