Monday Mailbag: Andrew Gillum Actually Won Edition

by | Dec 10, 2018

Real* emails from real readers…

“I heard a rumor that at the bottom of this week’s mailbag, there’s a whole bunch more Kevin Cate memes we can email around and snicker about quietly” –Florida Democrats

“I heard a rumor that Gov-elect DeSantis is looking for a guy who understands Florida’s regulatory impact on small businesses, including tiny marijuana growing operations that trade on the Canadian stock exchange.” –Halsey BeShears

“I heard a rumor that Gov-elect DeSantis wants a guy who’ll take on the teacher’s union. Because by definition, the teacher’s union has put teachers ahead of students and those priorities just aren’t working for our kids. I wonder if there’s anyone out there with the guts to do that job.” –Richard Corcoran

“I heard a rumor that Gov-elect DeSantis wants to install a new face over at the Department of Economic Opportunity…and he wants it to be someone who knows how to sell Florida to people from out of state. If only there was a solid leader with proven track record at an agency with that exact mission.” –Ken Lawson

“There is zero truth to the rumor that anyone except The Capitolist ever started painting my official gubernatorial portrait.” –Carlos Lopez Cantera

“To all you CLC fans out there who think I’m bashing him…I’m not. I’m also a fan. He’d have made one of Florida’s most conservative governors ever during his five day reign. But I know he’s got a thick skin and can take a little ribbing about how things went down. He’s clearly got a positive attitude about it.“–Brian Burgess

“I heard a rumor that I scooped the Tallahassee Democrat…again. Of course, that’s not really all that exciting anymore, since it happens so frequently.” –Tallahassee Reports Publisher Steve Stewart

“I heard a rumor that it’s not the crime that gets you, it’s the cover up. I’m committed to finding out if the rumor is true.” –Ross Spano

“I heard a rumor that Gov-elect DeSantis may stop fighting medical marijuana lawsuits and turn Florida into another Colorado.” –Ben Pollara

“I heard a rumor that my law firm to could make big bucks during the Christmas season and it has nothing to do with marijuana.” –John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan

“I heard a rumor about Donald Trump’s new attorney general nominee. But I’m not leaking it.” –Ron DeSantis

“I heard a rumor that even though Ron DeSantis will be governor, that Andrew Gillum actually won.” –Kevin Cate

Ancient Aliens Meme | GILLUM WON | image tagged in memes,ancient aliens | made w/ Imgflip meme maker




*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even state workers who use government computers to read about their bosses know the difference between rumors that will be confirmed as true in a few days and the complete fantastical world of make believe in which Kevin Cate has retreated.

To be considered as potential meme fodder for next week’s mailbag, persons of consequence may apply by sending their original material The Capitolist. 



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