Monday Mailbag: Another “Major” Announcement Edition

by | Apr 29, 2019


Real* emails from real readers…

“Get ready, because I’ve got yet another ‘major’ announcement all set for this afternoon. It’s a continuation of my strategy to suck up to environmental wackos so they don’t attack me.” –Gov. Ron DeSantis

“We love ‘major’ environmental announcements. Maybe Ron DeSantis is trying to be the new Charlie Crist.” –Eric Eikenberg

“If every announcement is a major announcement, none of them are.” –Kevin “The Hype Machine” Cate

“Bye, Visit Florida, so long, and thanks for all the cash.” –Pitbull and Emeril Lagasse

“Conservatives wonder why I didn’t kill Visit Florida myself, but it’s because we made so many happy memories together..” –Rick Scott

“Imagine all the charter schools we could have funded with all the cash wasted on music videos, cooking shows and fishing yachts.” –Richard Corcoran

“Wasted? False. That sunken fishing yacht was covered by insurance. I may not be a great skipper, but I’m nobody’s fool when it comes to protecting my assets.” –Pat Roberts

“With only one week to go in session, I sure hope we don’t get distracted by the siren song of the Seminole Compact.” –Jose Oliva

“All the real insiders know there’s gonna be a special session on gaming to ratify the Seminole Compact, rendering the previous meme obsolete.” –Peter Schorsch

“Whew. For a minute there we thought dozens of worthy bills were gonna die this week because lawmakers were distracted by the siren song of gaming, just like they do every year.” –Everyone in Tallahassee

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that lobbyists checking their phones to see if their last hopes of resurrecting their dying bills won’t be forced to waste extra time trying to discern truth from satire.


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