Monday Mailbag: Breaking the Rules Edition

by | Jun 5, 2017

After a long vacation in the Buckeye State, there wasn’t much time to compile all the worthwhile items in this week’s mailbag. But here’s a few to keep you satiated while we get ready for this week’s special session.

“Do we really have to follow the rules and stop fundraising this week when the special session starts?” –State Lawmakers

Nah, just do what I do and ignore the rules. Corcoran won’t enforce them anyway.” –Jamie Grant

Speaking of Corcoran and rules, there isn’t any rule prohibiting his backroom negotiations with Rick Scott, but that didn’t stop me from crying foul to justify my existence.” –Barbara Petersen

Speaking of justifying one’s existence, did you see my lame protest of shadow president Steve Bannon this weekend?” –Outgoing Senator Bill Nelson

Speaking of my administration, did you see how Politifact’s Katie Sanders went out of her way to defend Londonistan’s mayor from one of my tweets?” –President Donald J. Trump

It’s easy to understand Politifact, once you accept that they bend over backwards to explain the context of quotes from liberals, but take all conservative statements at face value.” –Fred Piccolo

In all honesty, we throw conservatives the occasional bone to skew our stats slightly back toward the center of the ideological scale.” –Katie Sanders

“I can’t argue with the previous emails about my colleagues and their bias. But none of that applies to me. After all, I named Rick Scott this week’s big winner, and Carlos Beruff is my choice for loser of the week.” Alex Leary

“We hereby certify that naming Carlos Beruff the Loser of the Week was the right call.” –Florida Voters

Neither voters, nor the law, have power over me! I am the Florida Constitution!” –Carlos Beruff

Speaking of power, when is the governor going to appoint me CFO?” –Jimmy Patronis

“And when is he going to appoint me Secretary over at FDOT? –Mike Dew

Since I’m not going to step on my friend Jimmy Patronis, I guess I should just take that gig at the US Department of Education that Trump offered me.” –Joe Gruters

“Please tell Joe Gruters not to take that gig that Trump offered him at the Department of Education until after he casts his ballot for me in the House GOP leadership race.” –Paul Renner

“Votes cast by class members who later leave before 2022 will be discarded, just like I discarded my years of prior service so they don’t count against Florida term limits.” –Jamie Grant






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