Monday Mailbag: Calm Before the Storm Edition

by | Feb 27, 2017

“To all my fat friends, this is a friendly reminder that the weigh-in for this year’s ‘Biggest Loser’ contest is just over a week away.” –Aaron Bean

“If anyone needs to reach me this week before the start of this year’s ‘Biggest Loser’ contest, I’ll be holding court at the all-you-can-eat Chopsticks Super Buffet in Clearwater.” –Jack Latvala

“After lunch at the White House and dinner with the President at his own hotel in DC, I’m all fattened up for Senator’s Bean’s big contest. But I have no intention of being the biggest loser this session.” –Rick Scott

Trump dinner

Speaking of biggest loser, it’s a shame what happened to Joe Negron’s $2.4 billion water storage boondoggle.” –State Rep. Matt Caldwell

Biggest loser?  Ha. The best thing about my dead-on-arrival water plan is that my constituents actually thought I was serious. I get all the credit for being a champion of the environment without actually passing any legislation.” –Joe “Biggest Winner” Negron

I guess we’ll have to settle for a tie in making Marco Rubio the biggest loser this week. If only you hadn’t outed us as the astroturfers we are, we might have won the title outright.” –Liberal activist “Constituents” funded by the DNC’s ‘Indivisible’ group

Speaking of picking winners and losers, I’m still dead set against it…except when it comes to the Seminole Gaming Compact.” –Richard Corcoran

“The biggest losers under the House gaming bill aren’t the parimutuels, it’s the dogs that die on Corcoran’s watch because the House won’t allow decoupling.” –Grey2k USA

Speaking of winners and losers on the issue of gaming, there is a net gain of $350 million in revenue in the Senate version of the bill, and it doesn’t really expand gaming once dog racing and jai alai are allowed to go away.” –Bill Galvano

If we’re still on the topic of biggest losers, I’m pretty sure the only person who is seriously considering Andrew Gillum for governor is Andrew Gillum.” –Gwen Graham

I’d vote for Gillum…but only if I don’t run for governor myself.” –John Morgan

Are we still on the topic of biggest losers? We’d like to nominate Keith Ellison and progressives everywhere, who, once again, are forced to take a back seat to party insiders and the Clinton machine.” –DNC operatives

“Hey, at least I was nice enough to give him the made-up title of ‘Deputy Chair’ so all the Bernie nutjobs didn’t burn the place down.” –Newly minted DNC Chair Tom Perez

“If Deputy Chair is so important, then how did DNC operatives forget to include it in the official tweet after the vote?” –Bernie nutjobs

“I still have more than a week before I have to file my conflict of interest disclosure for that shameless vote I cast to help my employer make even more money from the 121 tobacco litigation clients I have.” –Heather Fitzenhagen

Speaking of coming clean, I finally admitted that I cheated at the Fort Lauderdale half-marathon last week, but not before I shaved nearly a mile-and-a-half off the course, then biked it later to create a bogus GPS track.”Huffington Post blogger Jane Seo

Speaking of cutting across roads, I just filed a bill making it illegal to form human chains or protests that block roadways in Florida.” –State Senator George Gainer

“Speaking of roads, can you believe I’m still the Secretary of FDOT?” –Rachel Cone

 

 

 

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