Monday Mailbag: Conspiracy Theory Edition

by | Apr 1, 2018

After a brief hiatus, the Mailbag is back…Real* Emails from Real Readers.

Just a reminder that I’ve been living on my taxpayer funded salary for over 40 years, and I’d like to make it 46 this November.” –Perpetual Politician Bill Nelson

Just a reminder that even though I’ve been a politician for eight years, I’ll be campaigning as a non-politician, a strategy that only works against someone who’s been in office for 40+ years.” –Rick Scott

“Just a reminder that my father was once the Governor of Florida and a U.S. Senator, which is the only qualification I actually have to be governor myself.” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

“Just a reminder that I’ll be re-nominated with at least 80% of the vote in the GOP primary in August, so I’m not sure why anyone is challenging me.” –Matt Gaetz

Just a reminder that yesterday was April Fools Day, so the rumors that I’ll soon be fired are totally false.” –Adam Smith

“Will someone please remind me why Adam Smith gets paid to write the winner and loser column when it’s obvious he uses a dart board to make his picks?” –Peter Schorsch

“To be honest, I didn’t think it was all that bad this week.” –Charlie Crist

Sometimes the winner column is a badge of honor. Other times, it just points out the obvious.” –Co-Winner of the Week Richard Corcoran

I suppose we’re making progress when Adam Smith actually leads with the admission that his column is just a conspiracy theory, unlike all his other conspiracy theory columns that he attempts to pass off as real news.” –Roger Stone

“Thanks to that quarter-million dollar infusion from Elaine Wold, my campaign is still treading water.” Ron DeSantis

“I just gave you $100,000 last month and another hundo large the month before that. Now you’re getting cash from Elaine, too”? –Keith Wold

“The Mouse is in my house. And wait until you see what else I post this week.” –Adam Putnam

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Adam Smith can tell the difference between a rumor floated by the DeSantis campaign and an honest-to-goodness Roger Stone conspiracy.


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