Monday Mailbag: Coward of the County Edition

by | Feb 25, 2018

Real* emails from real readers…

“Do you think we’re inadvertently hurting Senator Nelson when we accuse Republicans of doing nothing on gun control, since Senator Nelson has been in power for 40 years and hasn’t done anything on gun control?” –Florida Democratic Party

Please don’t mention my do-nothing days in the 111th Congress. Those two years are a particularly vulnerable period in which I have absolutely no political excuse for why I failed to do anything about gun control.” –Bill “Do Nothing” Nelson

“We don’t care how much you mock our boss, because after all, he’s been to space. We’re sure he can milk that for another election cycle..” Nelson Campaign Staffers

“Wait…are you saying Bill Nelson was actually an astronaut before he became a politician?” Low-Information Florida Voters

I’d laugh at this if I wasn’t already busy brainstorming ways to disabuse voters of that notion in a series of television ads.” –Melissa Stone

“Don’t sweat it….we’ve already got enough material for a miniseries on NBC. It’s going to be the most fun campaign ever.” Curt “The Whale Whisperer” Anderson

Bill Nelson spent 40 years as a career politician and all you have is a few hours of TV ads?  I expected more. You should know by now that I always expect more. MOAR!!!” –Rick Scott

We expected more from Sheriff Israel’s deputies.” –Broward County Residents

I expected more from them too. Because, let’s face it, I’ve done an amazing job as Broward Sheriff if I do say so myself.” –Sheriff Israel

Is it too early to launch campaign ads calling Scott Israel the Coward County Sheriff?” –Prospective Broward County Sheriff Candidates

Obligatory plug.” –Kenny Rogers

Why can’t Adam Smith just make a decision when it comes to Winner and Loser of the Week?  How is it EVER possible for the same person to win both in the same week? That’s just lazy, Adam.” -Peter Schorsch

Is it safe for me to poke my head out of my foxhole yet? It seems yet another study pokes holes in my alarmist agenda, and I don’t know what to think anymore.” –Phil Levine

Is it safe for me to poke my head up out of my foxhole yet? I managed to hide for the past ten days and the media didn’t seem to notice…” –Ron DeSantis

Yeah, we’re operating in a target rich environment at the moment. But don’t worry, Ronny-boy. You’ll get yours.” –Florida Capitol Press Corps (all seven of them).

Is it time for Sine Die yet?” –Tallahassee Insiders

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Adam Smith can tell the difference between a real winner and a totally made up concoction of political jabberwockey disguised as a newspaper column.

1 Comment

  1. Marla Hughes


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