Another week gone by…and now Donald J. Trump is officially President of the United States. As a result, a lot more people now subscribe to the multiverse theory and are wondering just how they got derailed into this bizarre alternate reality. But does it really matter, at this point?
It does not.
What does matter is who’s slapping who in this week’s Monday Mailbag, containing Real* Emails from Real* Readers:
“Can you believe DEP chief Jon Steverson wrote a resignation letter to Governor Scott that failed to mention a single reason why liberal hacks like me hate him?” –TB Times’ enviro-wacko Craig Pittman
“Read the third graph of Pittman’s story about my resignation and tell me he’s an unbiased and totally objective reporter.” –Respected and Sensible DEP Chief Jon Steverson
“I can’t believe I paid $864 for a plane ticket to DC, $399 for a hotel room in Arlington, and $76 in Uber charges, and all I got to show for attending Governor Scott’s Sunshine Ball is this lousy t-shirt.” –Disappointed Tallahassee Lobbyists
“We can’t believe that Donald Trump accomplished something in one day that Michelle Obama couldn’t do in eight years: getting a million overweight feminists to go for a walk.” –Women for Trump
“Wew, lad, that was almost as sexist as my Sexy Beaches video.” –Pitbull
“Yeah, but at least taxpayers didn’t have to cough up a million bucks for it. Uh, but yeah, it was definitely over the line.” –-Richard Corcoran
“Half a million bucks for Blaise Ingoglia? And Republicans are wondering why I stopped raising money for the state party?” –Rick Scott
“Let’s be honest, half a million is chump change compared to how much I’ve sucked out of Let’s Get to Work over the last six years.” –Curt “The Political Vampire” Anderson
“Speaking of chump change, can you believe the great deal we’re getting on charter flights that we’re billing to the Florida House?” –Joe Gruters, Alex Miller, and Jackie Toledo
“Speaking of great deals on charter flights, it’s a wonderful time to not be a registered lobbyist.” –Florida trial lawyer PAC trustee Clif Curry
“To be clear, that photo was taken last year, on the day we flew up to vote against lobbyists paying for chartered flights for Florida state representatives.” —State Rep. Amber Mariano
“Sorry about the Cowboys losing last weekend. But don’t forget you owe me chicken and waffles, because my beloved Patriots are going to Superbowl LI.” –Brendan Farrington
*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow, in order to distinguish them from the petty falsehoods sent to the Mailbag by political operatives and bitter lobbyists trying to settle a score.