“While it’s technically true that I’m moving to Florida, I currently have no plans to run for governor. I mean, my plans are no further along than Adam Putnam’s plans.” –Tom Cruise

“Please tell Tom Cruise that ‘scientology’ isn’t a religion, and thus he won’t qualify for an endorsement from the Florida Family Policy Council.” –John Stemberger

“Do you think $8 million bucks of my own scratch is enough to beat a guy with no legs in a race for Congress?” –District 18 Former Millionaire Democrat Randy Perkins

“I don’t think you could beat me in a footrace, let alone a race for Congress.” –District 18 Republican war hero Brian Mast

“Please tell your Democrat friends not to panic about the 650,000 emails found on Anthony Weiner’s laptop, because my website still gives Hillary a 79% chance of winning.” –Nate Silver

“Um…but isn’t that the same website that gave her a 98% chance of winning last week?” –Trump Florida Director Susie Wiles

“You mean we have a better chance of not blowing our brains out in a game of Russian Roullette than we have of beating Donald Trump?” –FDP Spox Max Steele

“Wait…guys…come on. It’s not that bad yet. Seriously. Just everyone calm down.” –Steve Schale

“Actually, it’s pretty stinking bad.” –Allison Tant

“I’m not panicking.” –Charlie Crist

“I’m not panicking either. Because I am paying people to stuff ballots to help me pass Amendment 2.” –John Morgan

“I’m not panicking, either. After all, I’ve got billions of dollars I can flush down the toilet on crappy candidates like Erin “Patrick” Murphy.” –Mike Fernandez

“If you’re going to bet money on Democrats named Murphy, I’m probably a better bet.” –Stephanie Murphy

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” –John Mica

“Can  you believe Florida’s dumbest people support Hillary?” — Eight of eleven people previously earning the title “Flori-duh Man”

“I could not have predicted that.” –Nate Silver

“Please don’t ask what I’m doing for the rest of this week, because it’s pretty obvious the Clinton’s are out to kill me.” –Anthony Weiner

“Please don’t ask what I’m doing for the rest of this week, because if I told you, I’d have to kill you.” –Dirty Tricks Expert Roger Stone