Monday Mailbag: Political Fiction Edition

by | Oct 2, 2017

So many lies, so little time…

Without reporters like Mary Ellen Klas falling all over herself to defend my shameless political stunts, I’d probably have no chance to ever become governor.”  –Bob Graham’s Daughter

Believe it or not, I really believe that what I choose to write about (and how I write it) isn’t biased. So therefore I’m not biased because I don’t believe I am.” –Mary Ellen Klas

If I was a Republican, I could almost guarantee that PolitiFact would give me a “Pants on Fire” rating for my outrageous comments about Rick Scott’s decision to delete voicemails being on par with destroying evidence in a criminal case. It’s a good thing I’m a Democrat.” –Gary “Horse Apple” Farmer

“After all the times I’ve lost big races, can you believe I won twice this week? First there was my upset victory to be a state senator, and then being chosen as Winner of the Week!” –Annette Taddeo

“Can you believe how cranky the Tampa Bay Times gets whenever a career bureaucrat (i.e.Tampa Bay Times source) gets passed over for a big appointment?” –Wes Maul 

Speaking of the Tampa Bay Times, isn’t it great how they carry my press releases attacking Rick Scott for the nursing home deaths without mentioning I’m at least partially motivated by the fact that Scott is leading in the polls in a hypothetical Senate race against me?”  –Bill Nelson

“I admit my latest blog post about Jack Latvala being ‘Statesman of the Decade’ might have been a bit misleading, but remember, it’s all about the clickbait, folks. Would you really have clicked that link if we’d been upfront that it was just an award from some group that cares about beach sand levels?” –Adam Smith

“It wasn’t just about beach sand levels. It was about beach sand levels around the entire Florida coast. So, that’s a lot of beach sand that I am champion of.” –Jack “Beach Sand” Latvala

Wait…surely the award was for something more than just being a champion of beach sand, right?  I mean, I…beach sand?  Really?  There’s an award for that?” –Adam Putnam

“For all the big talk Republicans like to spew about free market competition, they sure screwed up the medical marijuana licensing process.” –John Morgan, of Morgan and Morgan

“In our defense, we didn’t create anything close to a free market system because my family would make a lot less money in the weed biz if we had to compete with other people.” –Halsey Beshears


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