Monday Mailbag: Political Stunts Edition

by | Sep 25, 2017

Insert lawyer approved legalese disclaiming all responsibility for any harm done to those who can’t tell the difference between Real* Emails from Real* Readers and fake emails from fake readers.

Can you believe Marco Rubio wasn’t taking phone calls when I dialed his office to ask him to vote “No” on the Graham-Cassidy health care bill?” —Bob Graham’s daughter

Next time Bob Graham’s daughter pulls a political stunt like calling Senator Rubio’s office, maybe she should verify that his staff doesn’t have a really good excuse for ignoring her call.” –Florida Times Union

“Speaking of Bob Graham’s ham-handed daughter, I really should take a hard look at getting out of this loser of a Senate race and jump into the governor’s race. I could stroll to the nomination against her.” –Bill Nelson

I wish Bob Graham’s daughter would call my office with a political stunt. At least then I’d know I’m still relevant.” –Tallahassee’s Still Unindicted Mayor Andrew Gillum

“Hmmm. With the millions of dollars I’ve already got earmarked for attack ads against her, maybe I should be doing more to get Bob Graham’s daughter to pull political stunts on me.” –Phil Levine

Speaking of ham-handed political stunts in the governor’s race, can you believe the sack of flaming dog crap Jack Latvala tried to leave on the doorstep of Florida’s utilities?” –The Capitolist

I wonder how quickly Latvala’s power will come back on the next time we ‘accidentally’ blow a transformer in his neighborhood.” –Duke Energy

“If that happens, I’m sure Jack Latvala can just text a powerful and influential member of Tallahassee’s energy lobby, and ask them to pull some strings on behalf of a state lawmaker.” –Daphne Campbell

I hate to toot my own horn, but did you guys see the total hatchet job I did to Rick Scott by asking what happened to Jeb Bush’s culture of preparation? –Adam C. Smith

Hey Adam, did you know Irma evacuations resulted in one of the largest human migrations in history? Maybe that’s why there were a handful of relatively minor issues at storm shelters, especially since the Red Cross was stretched pretty thin after Hurricane Harvey. Of course you include all these facts in your story, but then you ignore them, find a couple quotes from people who don’t share my political views, and use them  to create conflict and controversy where none previously existed. Classic Tampa Bay Times.” –Rick Scott

If you thought Adam Smith’s story was a hatchet job on Rick Scott, wait until you see my puff piece on his 2018 opponent, Bill Nelson, complete with cool photograph of him running on the beach to compliment the headline.” –Alex Leary

Run all the cheesy puff pieces you guys want. Come next summer, I’m going to literally melt the Tampa Bay Times building with all the TV airwaves blasting Rick Scott campaign commercials into Tampa living rooms. We’ll have so much money to spend, we’ll probably even have to buy ads on Cartoon Network just so I can spend all that dough before election day.” –Curt “The Whale Whisperer” Anderson 

Whatwhale-whisperer? What is that?” -Melissa Stone

“I thought it was a gambling reference.” -Chief Osceola 

Have I reached ‘whale status’ yet? I’ve collected $756,000 so far…–Ashley Moody

“Whale?  No. I wouldn’t even get about of bed until you manage to put a another zero on the back end of that number. And even then, that’s…what, a couple weeks of TV at best?” –Tony Fabrizio

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Tampa Bay Times reporters can tell the difference between real and fake news.



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