Monday Mailbag: Reckoning Day Eve Edition

by | Aug 27, 2018

Only one more day of political fratricide in Florida. One more day of blue-on-blue, friendly fire, of political combat pitting brother against brother, sister against sister, and establishment insiders against populist rabble-rousers. Tomorrow, Republicans and Democrats alike will begin to patch up their differences with the competition in their own political parties and return to hating and hacking on those in the opposite political party.

The anger has reached a boiling point, the frustration, desperation and consternation is palpable, and the Real* Emails from Real Readers have overflowed The Capitolist’s  inbox…we have more material this week than we can possibly publish. Here’s the cream of the crop:

“Did everyone see my brilliant public relations masterstroke where I floated Pam Bondi’s name as a potential running mate? That ought to rock DeSantis back on his heels all weekend long. Heh heh.” –Adam Putnam

“Yeah, I’ve got Bondi on my list, too.” –Ron DeSantis

“Did anyone notice that the preceding two entries combine to create a poetic representation of the entire GOP gubernatorial primary?  Note the elaborate complexity of Putnam’s entry, which proves futile and impotent against the simplicity and ruthless efficiency of DeSantis’s response. It’s almost as satisfying as watching $30 million flushed down the toilet by a single social media tweet.” –Brad Herold

The image below is this week’s reminder that Everything Trump Touches Dies.” –THE Rick Wilson

“If Putnam loses tomorrow, will he actually return to farm life and really throw hay, or was that just for campaign commericials?” –Florida Farmers

If I win tomorrow, I’m sure the newspapers will have a field day with headlines of how I ‘beat’ Denisely Grimsley.” Baxter Troutman

Save us Ashley Moody, you’re our only hope.” –GOP Establishment Consultants and Donors

“The latest shooting in Jacksonville is the fault of Republicans because of reasons I choose not to elaborate on.” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

“The latest shooting in Jacksonville is just another opportunity for me to point out Gwen Graham’s flip flopping on gun control.” –Andrew Gillum

The latest shooting in Jacksonville is just another opportunity for me to remind voters I’m still on the ballot.” –Chris King

“The latest shooting in Jacksonville is just another opportunity for me to waste more of my wealth on television running for an office I’ll never win.” –Jeff Greene

Is there any greater testament to Sean Shaw’s candidacy for Attorney General than getting a judge to hand him the Democratic nomination so he doesn’t actually have to face voters?”–Ryan Torrens

“U got rekt.” -Sean Shaw

“Note to all the nervous nellies out there…relax. The Florida House isn’t gonna change hands this cycle. I mean, probably no chance at all. Even if there is a chance, it’s really, really slim. That promise is just ironclad enough that you could almost take it to the bank. ” –Jose Oliva

“Just a reminder to all other Florida counties that we’ll need your vote totals finalized by 10:30pm tomorrow so we’ll know how many votes to ‘find’ in order to deliver a victory to our preferred candidates by 11pm.” –Palm Beach County

“Just a reminder to tune your Primary Night Watch Party TV monitors to the Florida Chamber’s War Room Broadcast from 7:30pm to 10:30pm tomorrow night. By the way, some say the host of the Chamber War Room is almost as handsome as Rachel Maddow.” –Brian Burgess

*All Real Emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Ryan Torrens can tell the difference between an authentic email and a criminal fabrication so egregious that it undermines the very fabric of our democracy.


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