Monday Mailbag: Reconstructive Criticism Edition

by | Oct 22, 2017

We’re staring down the barrel of another busy week in Tallahassee, with lawmakers back in town for another round of committee weeks, Episode 2 of The Capitolist TV Show hits the airwaves, and Florida Democrats invest their energy and limited political clout in trying to get Floridians riled up about Civil War monuments. There’s plenty to talk about, and plenty of people willing to do the talking in the form of Real* Emails from Real* Readers of The Capitolist.

Incidentally, if you would like your email to be considered for publication, persons of consequence may apply by sending an email to The Capitolist. Please make sure your email contains sensitive information, a hot take or a scathing rebuke of another person of consequence in Florida politics.

So The Capitolist tv show, and it’s lame jokes about me, is actually being broadcast at 11am every Thursday on Fox49 in Tallahassee?  I thought it was just a stupid internet show. Turns out it’s also a stupid TV show.” –Bob Graham’s Daughter

If the FBI eventually gets around to indicting me and then convicting me, at least I’ll still be able to watch The Capitolist make fun of me on the prison TV’s rabbit ears antenna.” –Andrew Gillum

Rabbit ears?  Nah, all our state prisons should have working cable provided at taxpayer expense.” –Julie Jones

“If the state let us handle things, the prisoners would have to choose between buying toilet paper and buying a temporary television viewing license. Nothing is ‘free’ in private prisons.” –Adam Hasner

Hey Burgess, your singing sucked worse than my Winners and Losers of the Week Column.” –Adam Smith

The monologue was bad enough. But no way did the singing suck as hard as Adam Smith’s Winners and Losers of the Week Column.” Peter Schorsch

“You talked too fast. And your singing sucked. But we’re still proud of you for having your own TV show.” –Your loving family

The views expressed on The Capitolist are those of the producers and hosts of the program and do not necessarily reflect those of the station. If you’re interested in our views and opinions, suffice it to say we agree with the general consensus that the singing really sucked.” –Fox49

“If I had to guess, I’d say that badly written, poorly executed, and terribly sung ‘Real Floridians of Genius’ spoof was mocking me. But it’s tough to be certain because the tree next to my Coral Gables mansion swimming pool is actually a Spanish Cedar, you imbecile.” Coral Gables Lawyer  and City Commissioner Frank Quesada 

“Please don’t spoof me for introducing a bill to remove Civil War monuments from public lands.” –Shev Jones

Please don’t spoof me just because there were only 14 people who actually showed up to my big white supremacy speech at UF.” –Richard Spencer

“Please don’t spoof me just because I refuse to rule out a potential gubernatorial run in 2018.” –Jeff “Cocaine Yacht” Greene

“Please refrain from making drug and alcohol jokes in Monday Mailbag, because even though it’s labeled satire, the truth still hurts.” –John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan 


%d bloggers like this: