Monday Mailbag: Shut It All Down Edition

by | Jan 22, 2018

With the federal government shut down, it’s only a matter of time before Tallahassee comes to a grinding halt, too. But even that won’t stop us from publishing Real* Emails from Real* Readers.

Can you believe what a chump I am for going out of my way to place a losing bet on a football team that has nothing to do with the city I govern?” –Still Unindicted Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum

“Speaking of Andrew Gillum and Tallahassee, with the federal government shut down, does that mean the FBI isn’t tapping our phones this week?” –Tallahassee Political Insiders

You mean the shutdown happening in Washington D.C., which is allegedly under the complete control of Republicans?” –Ron DeSantis

“I wish I could be as bold as DeSantis. Instead, I’m being blamed for the shutdown so effectively that even my excuses need excuses.” –Future Ex-Senator Bill Nelson

Don’t worry, old pal. I have your back. I managed to squeeze out yet another loser of the week for Rick Scott out of that fake oil drilling issue.” –Adam Smith

“Speaking of government shutdowns, by the end of this week we may not have enough Senators to make a quorum.” –Joe Negron

Is that because you’re resigning from the Senate to take a job with the Everglades Foundation?” –Richard Corcoran

“Please tell Richard Corcoran that the data we just got back proves conclusively that if he gets into the GOP primary, it’s gonna turn into a big Mongolian cat sack fight. And I like his chances.  –Tony Fabrizio

Aw shucks. I don’t even know what a Mongolian cat sack fight is. But I’m sure I could win one.” –Adam Putnam

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even fingerpointing Democrats can tell the difference between fake emails and real excuses from Bill Nelson.


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