Where do we even start? We’ve got Halloween this week, and more political news that you can shake a stick at…let’s dig right into the ole’ mailbag and see what’s brewing.
“Anyone seen my laptop?” –Jeff Clemens
“I think everyone has seen it by now.” –Alexandria Glorioso
“That laptop had the Senate’s original draft sexual harassment reporting policy on it, which was much better than the makeshift pile of crap we just published.” –Joe Negron
“I don’t want to spook everyone, but Clemens scalp is only the tip of the iceberg. My hatchet may be bloody, but it’s still sharp.” –Peter Schorsch
“Speaking of creepy, if politics is show business for ugly people as Peter Schorsch reminded us, how do you explain all the Hooters girls with intern jobs in the capitol building?” –Jack Latvala
“To be fair, most of the Hooters girls in the Senate work for Republicans. I recognize most of them from…er…nevermind.” –Gary Farmer
“I hate to change the subject, but did everyone see that I was named ‘Winner of the Week'” –Rick Scott
“If you need proof that the Tampa Bay Times is a partisan hack machine, look no further me being named ‘Co-Loser of the Week’ alongside a guy who was forced to resign his powerful legislative leadership post after a sex scandal.” –Rick Kriseman
“If you need proof that someone other than the current field of Democrat gubernatorial candidates needs to get into the race, look no further than this weekend’s candidate forum.” —John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan
“If you need proof that CNN and Don Lemon are partisan hacks, just look at my tweets that got my account suspended last week.” –Roger Stone
“If you need proof that I’m getting into the governor’s race later this week, you’ll just have to wait and see.” –Ron DeSantis
“If you need proof that I’m going to be the GOP nominee, look no further than Ron DeSantis’s entry into the governor’s race.” –Adam Putnam
“If you need an explanation for how Putnam will become the GOP nominee, look no further than the fact that DeSantis and Corcoran will cannibalize each other and allow Putnam a wide open lane to the end zone.” –Conventional Wisdom
*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that creepy politicians can tell the difference between fake emails sent from anonymous accounts, and real emails sent from stolen laptops.