Monday Mailbag: The Ides of Session Edition

by | Apr 10, 2017

Beware the halfway point of the 2017 Legislative Session. The long knives are out, the double-crossings have already begun, with more sure to follow. So watch your back, trust no one, and as always, keep in mind that the Mailbag is pure political satire and nothing more.

“The political realm is so chock-full of winners this week, I couldn’t really think of anyone to name ‘Loser of the Week.’–Adam Smith

“Are you sure there were no political losers this week?” –Aramis Ayala”

“Once again, Adam Smith blew it. He had one job: name a political winner and loser, and he failed miserably.” –Peter Schorsch

“Sometimes, it can seem like you’re winning, but everybody pretty much knows you’re about to get stabbed in the back.” –EFI CEO Mike Grissom

“Please tell Mike Grissom that sometimes you can pull victory from the jaws of defeat…for example, everyone thought I lost when Negron won the Senate Presidency, but did you see how I just gutted Negron’s water bill? Who’s laughing now?” –Jack Latvala

“Speaking of Latvala, did you see who got busted down in Key West?” –Jose Lambiet

“Speaking of big arrests, did you see where six liberal protesters got busted at a rally in Jacksonville on Friday night?” –Gary Snow

“Maybe the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office needs to do a better job controlling the crowd.” –A.G. Gancarski

“Yeah, we’re starting to get suspicious as to why the Sherrif’s Office let’s pro-Trump people yell in our faces with megaphones.” –Police-Hating Liberal Protesters

“Maybe you shouldn’t yell ‘#$%! the police!’ in the faces of cops.” –Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office

I hate to change the subject, but did you see the big Steve Bousquet story with the headline ‘On the Road with Chris King?’ I’m just putting bloggers like you on notice that the Tampa Bay Times is still the big dog in the media world, and unlike you, we can afford to send our bureau chiefs on the campaign trail with big-time candidates.” –Tim Nickens

“Wait…seriously?  Chris King is a big time candidate?” –John Morgan

“For Florida Democrats?  Yes.” –Blaise Ingoglia

“Whoa…hold up…that Bousquet story says ‘on the road,’ but the interview took place at a Tallahassee Starbucks.” –Gwen Graham

“Well, I bumped into the guy by accident while grabbing some coffee on the way to work on Friday, so technically I was on the road. He begged me to interview him.” –Steve Bousquet

A Tribute to EFI CEO Mike Grissom – By Richard Corcoran (or one purporting to be him in an anonymous email):

“Friends, Politicos, Floridians, I come not to bury Mike Grissom, but to crush his spirit… He is always smiling a smirky smile. Just as Cicero had his hands nailed to the senate doors, we will nail Grissom’s tobacco can, Marlboros, and his taxpayer-funded Gov club bourbon buying card to the House doors, effectively neutering his ability to function. Like Caesar, he wore togas after hours and was the toast of his troops (young female Republican Party staffers), but is that an army? Nay, his cheerleader-squad was ill-equipped to protect him, or Florida’s Economic Development infrastructure. Nay, Mike Grissom’s army of perfume and stilleto heels are no match for the political daggers of leadership. For Ceas…uh …Grissom has given his last Copenhagen-fueled protest in favor of EFI…for he was a hero of Tallahassee.”



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