It’s beginning to look a lot like campaign silly season in Florida. Lots of ridiculous pitches, flimsy press releases, and entertaining emails are starting to fly from campaigns… and no shortage of them have ended up in my inbox. Here are the very best Real* Emails from Real Readers of The Capitolist:
“You’d think that after I supported Donald Trump in 2016, he’d have named me Ambassador to the Bahamas. Instead, all I got was a pair of lousy VIP passes to his big rally in Tampa tomorrow.” –Joe Gruters
“All I ask is that Trump adds Adam Putnam to his funny nickname list, like ‘Wacky’ Frederica Wilson, ‘Lyin” Ted Cruz, ‘Little Marco’ Rubio and ‘Low Energy’ Jeb.” –Ron DeSantis
“Oh, and one more thing…have I mentioned I’m endorsed by President Trump?” –Still Ron DeSantis (Endorsed by Donald Trump)
“You’d think that after nearly 8 years of cabinet meetings with Pam Bondi, she’d be willing to call President Trump and ask him not to totally wreck me tomorrow during his big rally in my backyard.” –Adam Putnam
“You’d think that after I agreed not to sue him, President Trump would take my phone call so I could put in a good word for my friend…you know, Ashley Moody. Who did you think I was gonna say?” –Pam Bondi
“Well, maybe he’s mad because even though you dropped your lawsuit, I actually did sue him.” –Former-Democrat-Turned-Political-Welfare-Queen Ashley Moody
“Maybe Donald Trump doesn’t like the fact that Ashley Moody is using a quarter of a million taxpayer dollars to convince Republicans to vote for her.” –Self-Funding GOP A.G. candidate Frank White
“There’s nothing wrong with taking public financing to run a political campaign. The system was designed so that poor people can use taxpayer dollars to run for office and compete on a level playing field with rich people.” —Clueless Political Science Professors, Members of the Media, and Liberals
“So, OK. Public campaign funds are for candidates who can’t afford to use their own money in a campaign…but Ashley Moody has a net worth of $3 million. Are we reading this right?” —GOP Voters
“With all this controversy surrounding political welfare queen Ashley Moody, maybe nobody will notice I’m still claiming an endorsement by the NRA even though they yanked it from me.” —Fred “The Question Mark” Costello
*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow, such as the one sent to me from an NRA supporter above with Fred Costello’s ACTUAL rating from the NRA.
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