Monday Mailbag: What Should We Do Now Edition

by | Oct 24, 2016

From an election cycle that has left Americans wondering who to vote for, to a Florida Supreme Court ruling that has left Florida’s prosecutors wondering why murderers can’t face the death penalty, Floridians are left scratching their heads wondering what it is we’re supposed to do in a sitiuation where there aren’t many good choices.

Never fear, The Capitolist  is here to remind readers that when things get confusing, we can always make things even more complicated with a few REAL* emails from REAL* readers.


“It’s a bit early for Halloween, but I feel it’s my duty to remind everyone in Tallahassee about the creepy triple murder from 1966 that remains unsolved to this day.” –Gary Fineout

“It’s a bit early for election day, but I feel it’s my duty to make sure everyone knows Evan McMullin is now leading in the polls… *cough* in Utah *cough*” –THE Rick Wilson

“Evan Mcwho?” –Everyone not living in Utah

“The political winners are so scarce in Florida this week, I had to look all the way to Utah to pick somebody.” –Adam Smith

“Please don’t mention the fact that Adam Smith picked me to be Loser of the Week because of I forgot to include Amendment 2 on thousands of vote-by-mail ballots in South Florida.” Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes

“Please don’t mention that forgetfulness is one of the side effects of excessive marijuana use. ” –John Morgan

“Maybe I should have implemented drug testing for government employees instead of drug testing for welfare recipients.” –Governor Rick Scott

“Speaking of drug testing, somebody ought to make Sal Nuzzo pee in a cup. I think that guy smokes crack. For real.” –Chris “I <3 Solar” Flack

“I do not smoke crack. I’m more of a kratom kind of guy. Which is still perfectly legal in Florida. Also, fortunately for me, JMI doesn’t test for kratom”–Sal Nuzzo

“Please stop talking about kratom. It’s still perfectly legal, and I’d like to keep it that way.” –Albert “Botanical Legal Defense” Balido

“Maybe Adam Smith smokes the kratom. Can you believe Amendment 1 wasn’t named Loser of the Week after we caught Nuzzo’s flapping his lips?” –Floridians for Solar Choice

“If my son manages to ride Hillary’s coattails into the U.S. Senate, Adam Smith is going to have egg on his face for naming me Loser of the Week #2.” –Erin Murphy’s Dad

“Speaking of sons, did you see where my son applied to be on the constitutional revision commission, even though he ignored state laws regulating his political committee?” -Don Gaetz

“Please don’t mention how badly our liberal colleagues on the bench screwed up Florida’s pending death penalty cases, because criticizing fellow justices is considered bad form, even if they are complete idiots.” –Justice Ricky Polston

“I wonder if Justice Pariente smokes the kratom?” –Justice Charles Canady

“I never had any doubt.” –Pam Bondi

 

 

 

 

 

 

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