Real* emails from real readers…

“I know I’m no longer the Speaker of the Florida House, and haven’t been for a while, but I pretty much can guarantee you that Florida will pass Red Flag legislation in the next few weeks.” –Senator Marco Rubio

“Given the lack of spine I’m seeing among Republicans right now, I’ll settle for that over a completely cosmetic ban on so-called assault weapons.” —Marion Hammer

“Somebody raised the red flag on Nikolas Cruz, but the FBI ignored it because red is the color of the old Soviet flag, not the current Russian flag.” –Rick Scott

“I’d laugh at that joke, but I’ve already exceeded my limit for the day of media-triggering activities.” –Donald Trump

“Speaking of the FBI and Trump, I‘m just glad some Russians finally got indicted, because I’ve been screeching about them since early 2016.” –The Rick Wilson

“Speaking of the indicted Russians, it’s too bad they’ll never actually be prosecuted. It’s almost as if Mueller felt like he had to do something to justfiy his investigation. But what do I know? I’m just the state’s top law enforcement officer.” –Pam Bondi

“I know everyone wants to talk about gun control, and everything’s real emotional right now, but we only have three weeks left of session. So if y’all want to get anything done, we gotta buckle down…” –Ricard Corcoran

“Sounds like we finally agree on something. Like I said, there’s gonna be plenty of time to debate this stuff.” –Ron DeSantis

“My Senate colleagues and I just wants to pass the red flag law, we don’t really care about anything else anymore.” —Joe Negron

“We just want to ban certain features of so-called assault weapons, like pistol grips and collapsible stocks, even though we know it would just result in school shootings with stupid looking guns like they have in New York.” —Florida Democrats

“Maybe if our Republican politicians would agree to ban cool-looking guns, all these evil people will be cured of their desire to murder people.” –Stupid Republican Mega-Donors

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even squishy Republicans wavering on the issue of so-called “assault weapons” can tell the difference between real reforms that will make a difference, and cosmetic changes to the law designed to sooth an agitated electorate.