Monday Mailbag: Anger Management Edition

by | Feb 11, 2019

Real* emails from real readers:

“It’s much harder than I thought to do Adam Smith’s old job. Picking a person to be ‘Loser of the Week‘ takes more courage than I have.” –Mike Van Sickler

“You could have just picked State Rep. Anthony Sabatini as loser of the week. He’s the only one that would have complained about it.” –Adam Smith

“THIS IS AN ORGANIZED SMEAR CAMPAIGN!” –State Rep. Anthony “Man of 1000 Disguises” Sabatini

“No, not really. The media just wants you to have a chance to tell your side of the story. Calm down, dude…uh…er…I mean, Representative Sabatini, sir.” –Fred Piccolo

“Please tell Anthony Sabatini to cease and desist his blatant cultural appropriation, which everyone knows he’s not allowed to do because he’s Republican.” –Peter Schorsch

“I HAVEN’T APPROPRIATED ANYONE’S CULTURE!!!  OBVIOUSLY I WAS JUST MOCKING IT!!!” –State Rep. Anthony “Man of 1000 Disguises” Sabatini

“Rep. Sabatini, sir, please calm down.” –Florida House Sergeant-at-Arms

“I hearby nominate Anthony Sabatini as the first ever recipient of the Frank Artiles Hothead Award.” –Matt Dixon

“Don’t bring my name into this, Dixon, you @#$%&! little punk. I will punch you right in the Negron.” –Frank Artiles

“Sir…I’m going to ask you again to please calm down.” Florida House Sergeant-at-Arms

“THAT WASN’T EVEN ME!!! THAT WAS ARTILES!!!” —-State Rep. Anthony “Man of 1000 Disguises” Sabatini

“Sir, please remain calm, have a seat and refrain from typing in all caps.” –Florida House Sergeant-at-Arms

“Is now a good time to talk about how we need to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants from flooding across our border?” –Matt Gaetz

“Rep. Gaetz, sir, please calm down.” –U.S. House Sergeant-at-Arms

“The most dangerous place in America right now is not the U.S. border but the awkward space currently between me and Congressman Gaetz.”  –Governor Ron DeSantis

“Speaking of walls, I’d just like to make it clear that I now support them.” –Gary “Build the Paywall Ten Feet Higher” Fineout

“Speaking of Ron DeSantis, can you believe he’s winning Democrats over and so we’re already talking about him as a possible 2024 Presidential candidate?” –TB Times Emily “Jump-the-Gun” Mahoney

“Eh…we actually called DeSantis a ‘sham environmentalist’ because of his silence on the issue of Everglades drilling.” –Florida Democrats

“What’s wrong with remaining silent over drilling in the Everglades? We only put out a cleverly-worded caveat two days after The Capitolist called us out for our silence.” –The Everglades Foundation

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that State Rep. Anthony “Man of 1000 Disguises” Sabatini can tell the difference between actual liberal media attacks and a center-right media outlet using satire to illustrate the absurdity that exists in state politics.



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