Monday Mailbag: 99 Cents Edition

by | Apr 8, 2019

Real* emails from real readers…

“Please pay 99 cents to see my witty Winner and Loser Column for this week.” –Amy Hollyfield, Tampa Bay Times

“Since the TB Times Winner and Loser of the Week column is now hidden behind a paywall, it’s become irrelevant. It’s time everyone just embraces Florida Capitol Directions, which is a superior product anyway.” –Peter Schorsch

“I know I loved this week’s edition of Capitol Directions. The high quality up arrow (by Piccolo Graphic Design Corp.) matches my poll numbers.” –Ron DeSantis

“When will pollsters start asking about my own political viability? I could probably win a seat in the state legislature in 2020.” –Casey DeSantis

“Many of us would gladly give up our seats for Casey DeSantis.” –Ga Ga GOP State Reps

“That’s just because we are gentlemen, though.” –Brad Drake

“I, for one, didn’t really care for this week’s Capitol Directions. Then again, my opinion could easily change, just like my views on the illegal immigration crisis.” –Francis Rooney

“Speaking of Trump, please pay 99 cents to see my fact check of his Puerto Rico tweet. It’s totally worth a buck.” –Amy Sherman, Tampa Bay Times

“First I’m named Chairman of the Board of Space Florida, now there’s a shot I might get funding to open my own office in Miami? The only direction I’m going is up, up, and away!” –Lt. Governor Jeannette Nunez

While everyone is distracted by this week’s Capitol Directions’ high quality up, down and sideways arrows (by Fred Piccolo Graphic Design), I’m just over here completely denouncing the dangerous direction my Democratic Party is headed.” –Congresswoman Stephanie “Capitalism Works” Murphy

“Of course capitalism works, especially when corporations do good things to help those in need.” –Volunteer Florida and Uber

“I’m sure next week’s edition of Capitol Directions and / or Winner and Loser of the Week will accurately reflect my status as a living legend. I mean, how many people have bills to name bridges after them when they are still alive and kicking?” –Former Democratic State Senator Chris Smith

“You’ll get your name on that bridge over your cold, dead body.” –Current GOP State Senator Tom Lee

“Hey, no fair linking to the Miami Herald to see my Chris Smith / Tom Lee story for free. You really should just pay 99 cents to see my content.” –Lawrence Mower, Tampa Bay Times

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even legislative aides surfing the internet on government computers can differentiate between content they will secretly snicker about behind their boss’s back and content they should actually tell their boss about.


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