Monday Mailbag: Emoji Edition

by | May 13, 2019

Real* emails from real readers….

If you’re using The Capitolist app to view today’s Mailbag, click HERE for the correctly formatted version.


“In case you still haven’t figured me out, I’m following the Charlie Crist blueprint from 2007. Remember how he was almost tapped for a VP slot in 2008? If I can’t win outright in 2024, someone will definitely pick me as their running mate. Mark my words.” –Ron DeSantis

“Please tell Ron DeSantis that it’s not going to be easy to ride the environmental train to the nomination. And good luck navigating the backstabbing politics of the 2024 “veepstakes.” Remember how my old boss sold out Rudy Giuliani for John McCain, then McCain sold him out for Sarah Palin, and Palin sold him out for Marco Rubio?  ” –Erin Isaac

“Please don’t tell us DeSantis is selling us out to the environmentalist wackos. Please no.” –Common sense conservatives

“Maybe a DeSantis ally and Trump fan like Matt Gaetz can shed some light on whether or not Ron DeSantis is a true conservative. Matt, what say you? Matt? You okay?” –Florida GOP

“IhatetochangethesubjectbutcanyoubelieveIgotnamedloseroftheweekbytheTampaBayTimes?” –Nikki Fried

“I’m far too busy on Twitter to open phishing emails about Donald Trump, medical marijuana or anything else. But I did open this week’s Winner and Loser of the Week column and boy did it suck out loud.” –Peter Schorsch

“Why 🇺🇸are 🇺🇸 you 🇺🇸 always 🇺🇸 picking 🇺🇸 on 🇺🇸 me? 🇺🇸” –Mike VanSickler

“Wait 🏳️‍🌈 what 🏳️‍🌈 did 🏳️‍🌈 I 🏳️‍🌈 click 🏳️‍🌈 on?” –Charlie Crist

“🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸On🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸behalf🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸of🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸my🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸client🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸Charlie🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸Crist🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸I 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸must 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 ask 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 you 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 to 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 cease 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 and 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 desist 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 any 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 and 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 all 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 references 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 to 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 homosexuality 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 as 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 my client 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 is 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 neither 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 gay 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 nor 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 has 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 he 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 opened 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 emails 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸containing 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 such 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 content. 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 Thank 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸 You. 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸” –John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan


*All 🇺🇸 real 🇺🇸 emails 🇺🇸 are 🇺🇸 highlighted 🇺🇸 in 🇺🇸 bright 🇺🇸 yellow 🇺🇸 so 🇺🇸 that 🇺🇸 even 🇺🇸 lawyers 🇺🇸 for 🇺🇸Morgan 🇺🇸 and 🇺🇸 Morgan 🇺🇸 can 🇺🇸 tell 🇺🇸 the 🇺🇸 difference 🇺🇸 between 🇺🇸 a 🇺🇸 nasty 🇺🇸virus 🇺🇸 disguised 🇺🇸 as 🇺🇸 quality 🇺🇸 content 🇺🇸about 🇺🇸 the 🇺🇸 President 🇺🇸 and 🇺🇸quality 🇺🇸 satire 🇺🇸 mocking 🇺🇸 Matt 🇺🇸 Gaetz’s 🇺🇸 devotion 🇺🇸 to 🇺🇸 POTUS 🇺🇸 oh 🇺🇸 crap 🇺🇸 what 🇺🇸 did 🇺🇸 I 🇺🇸 click 🇺🇸 on 🇺🇸

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