Monday Mailbag: “Make Mine a Double” Edition

by | Feb 13, 2017

Standard Disclaimer on Mailbag Satire: the content of the Mailbag is not real news, nor is it fake news. It’s just satire. Don’t use this content in campaign ads, because even though it might be true, there’s a high probability I’ve embellished a few of the facts. It’s your job to guess which facts.

“I can’t believe the Mailbag actually foreshadowed the possibility that the Senate might sue the House way back in December. I thought it was purely satire.” –Richard Corcoran

“There’s a lot of things the Mailbag foreshadows, if you know where to look.”-Jack “CFO Shortlist” Latvala

“Foreshadowing isn’t only one thing the Mailbag does. It also serves as a reminder of past lobbying success when making a big ask of the Governor.” –Tom “CFO Wannabe” Lee

“Sometimes the Mailbag drops hints about what might be in the works later in the week, like a satirical opinion piece by a famous celebrity like me.” –FSU football coach Jimbo Fisher

“Sometimes the Mailbag shines a spotlight on stories with sensational headlines, but the actual details in the story are pretty boring.” –Joe “CFO Wildcard” Gruters

“And sometimes the Mailbag shines a spotlight on stories that remind us all that the Internet is forever.” –Pasco County GOP Chair Bill Akin

Tell me about it.” –Peter Schorsch

“Now that Jeff Atwater really is out of contention for 2018, does anyone want to read the opposition research file I have on him?” –Adam Putnam

“Oh, yes, the oppo file on Jeff Atwater is riveting. All two pages of it.” –Florida Democrats

“I’m heading over to Paul Renner’s district for an economic forum. I’m hoping a little pressure on Renner will cause him to fold on Corcoran like a cheap suit, the same way he did on Eric Eisnaugle.” –Rick Scott

“Speaking of cracking under pressure, anyone wanna meet me at the Off-the-Record Pub at the Hay-Adams hotel in D.C.? I haven’t had a drink in hours.” –Charlie Crist

Charlie Crist wine

“Speaking of Charlie Crist, I’d like to publicly thank him for hiring me as Outreach Director. It’s going to be great to have a job for a few weeks before his wife fires me.” –Gershom Faulkner


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