Real* emails from real readers…

“The Capitolist has published a lot of bad stories, but never anything as dumb as that story about Nikki Fried as a potential running mate for Joe Biden.” –Nikki Fried

“I know, right? As if any serious presidential contender would ever consider a political novice as a potential VP candidate.” –Sarah Palin

“There’s no way Democrats would support a shady marijuana lobbyist with sketchy financial dealings in her past.” –Val Demmings

“Just a reminder that Nikki Fried’s 2019 Form 6 Financial Disclosure is due in less than two months.” –Florida Ethics Commission

“In the modern political era, voters can be persuaded to look past all sorts of shady stuff.” –Tony Fabrizio

“So you’re saying there’s still a chance?” –Andrew Gillum

“No. Sorry.” –Gwen Graham

“Speaking of financial improprieties, we’ve got a serious financial crisis of our own brewing here..” –State Economist Amy Baker

“Speaking of financial crisis, I can’t wait until ole’ Ron comes in for his next haircut.” –The Governor’s Barber

“Speaking of financial problems, I just want to thank Marco Rubio for his support in our quest for free government money to keep our insolvent business afloat.” –Tampa Bay Times

“I have already reprimanded the incompetent fool who cleaned out their garage and called it a press conference backdrop.” –DeSantis Comms Director Helen Aguirre Ferré

“I love it when one of my one-off Twitter posts results in disciplinary action for the governor’s staff.” –A.G. Gancarski

And now…a little video that will leave you feeling dirty and manipulated by every major corporation in America:

*All real emails are highlighted in bright yellow so that even Joe Biden’s VP vetting team will know the difference between a legitimate allegation and completely fabricated documents filed by Nikki Fried in order to hide her dirty marijuana money.