The Capitolist Emoji-Meter for May 2nd-7th

by | May 7, 2020



Sometimes words just aren’t enough.

Ron DeSantis

Blaming Rick Scott for problems with the unemployment system seems petty. Isn’t that sort of like Nikki Fried blaming him for COVID-19 deaths?

Miami Herald

First came another fake news headline, this time about a “flurry of deaths” in nursing homes. The scare-mongering helped drive the economic shutdown, leading to a drop in advertisers. That, in turn, led to the Herald’s pathetic begging for donations so they can keep publishing more fake news. It appears their own fear-mongering may be their financial undoing. The irony is delicious!

Nikki Fried

We’ve been pretty hard on Florida’s #1 Democrat over the past year, but she’s a skilled politician, and even though she’s got her flaws, we think she’s got at least an outside shot at making Joe Biden’s shortlist for Vice President. In fact, we’re praying it happens.

Everglades Trust

Oops! Florida’s favorite greenwashing group and close ally of the Everglades Foundation accused their political foil, “Big Sugar,” of engaging in a secret campaign to thwart the Foundation’s plans to drain Lake Okeechobee to prevent algae blooms near their beachfront homes. Turns out dozens of groups representing millions of Floridians like to have drinking water, and wrote letters to Congress urging lawmakers to leave water levels right where they are.


Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush spoke out about the importance of a national strategy to reopen schools next fall. Trump’s former campaign foil is spot on. If Republicans don’t have a plan, the teachers unions – run by Democrats – will find a way to keep our kids home from school until election day in November. Only out-of-power Democrats benefit from never-ending corona-chaos.

Associated Press

AP News, one of more respected news organizations in the country, published a despicable story claiming face masks are now a “political statement.” According to the reporter, Democrats wear face masks, and Republicans don’t. The story even went so far as to compare face masks to the Democrat version of the MAGA hat. But one look at the underlying data shows a vast majority of all people, regardless of party, say they are more likely to wear a mask when leaving home. This kind of misleading and purely divisive political drivel is far below what we expect from the AP.

Gregory Tony

With the embattled Scott Israel sidelined, Broward County’s new sheriff was supposed to be the man to take the bull by the horns and turn the agency around. Unfortunately, Tony also has some skeletons in his closest after it was revealed the sheriff shot and killed a man when he was 14 (something he kept a secret). To add insult to injury, racy photos of him and his wife gettin’ jiggy with other couples surfaced shortly after. For Governor DeSantis, who appointed Tony, that’s a big swing and a miss!

Ashley Moody

Following in her predecessors footsteps, Moody is continuing to crack down on domestic violence across the state. Partnering with Uber, the multinational ride-hailing company, Moody announced a program to offer free rides to victims of domestic abuse to help them escape dangerous situations.

John Morgan of Morgan and Morgan

The high-profile Orlando attorney is offering his services – pro bono – to fix the state’s dysfunctional $77 million unemployment system. In a video on Twitter, Morgan pitched the deal to Gov. DeSantis, describing it as “an offer he can’t refuse,” and even complimented the Republican’s work on coronavirus. Maybe he’s got a line on some other money-making angle, but to us, the namesake Morgan of Morgan and Morgan seems sincere. And if he can wring even a fraction of the price tag out of the system vendor, Deloitte, it’ll help plug some budget holes the state could start seeing soon.


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